What Did You Say?

I think we can all agree that communicating in marriage can sometimes seem like the two of you are speaking in foreign tongues.  You’re saying one thing, they’re saying another and you’re both trying to figure out how to get your point across.  You may even hear a statement like, “You just don’t listen to me.”  Or you may even be thinking, “He didn’t hear a word I just said.”  Well, that may be partially true, but I’d like to offer a technique to help smooth the communication waters.  I encourage you the hear what they’re not saying. Huh?  Hear me out…

Sometimes when we’re attempting to get our point across, we have so much emotion behind it that, instead of effectively saying what needs to be said, we ramble on a bunch of emotion-filled words.  Well, emotion incites emotion, so then our spouse begins to respond to our rant and you end up in a fruitless discussion and neither of your needs are being met.  So you have to develop the art of hearing what they’re not saying.  Learn to listen for “clues” to what they’re really trying to say. For example: Your spouse may say, “I thought you were going to be home when I got off from work and now I have to warm up my food in the microwave.”  What they really might be saying is, “I missed seeing you when I got home and was looking forward to us having dinner together.”  I know…you’re thinking, “I’m not a mind-reader!”  And I’m not asking you to be.  But I am suggesting that we have to dwell with our spouses “according to knowledge” (1 Pet. 3:7).  Dwelling with them “according to knowledge” means that we should “study” our spouses and learn their habits, their moods and their innuendos.   When we do that, we’ll be able to discern when their saying one thing, but mean another.  And once we get that, we can respond with love and with the answer that they really want or need to hear.  So in the above example you can respond, “I’m sorry, sweetie, that I wasn’t here for dinner when you got home.  I enjoy our dinner time together, too.”  Ha!  Lay that on them and see what happens!

Is this technique easy?  Nope!  Is it worth it?  You betcha!  Communication is the oxygen to our relationships. Every skill that we can employ to perfect the art of communication should be high on our priority list.  Because if we don’t, our relationships will be devoid of life and then we’ll start thinking about the “D” word and we are NOT having that!  Marriage Ain’t for Wimps!

Happy Communicating!  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

To Marriage With Love,

Tangie

Get on the Wall

Proverbs 31:27 "She looks well to the ways of her household..." NIV

*This blog was inspired after hearing a beautiful Woman of God, Rhonda Irby, share about the importance of keeping the "intruders" out of our marriages.

There may be many times in your marriage where you feel as if you're in a war zone. It can seem that you and your honey are at odds over everything from the trash to the gas bill to the kids’ homework. Communication becomes a naughty word and you slip into attack mode. Well the reality is that your conflict may have very little to do with the "hot topic" for that day and more to do with the fact that you have probably allowed some "intruders" to come in and set up shop in your marriage.

Now an "intruder" may not necessarily be Jody from the office, but the "intruder" could be staring back at you in the mirror. Marriages don't self-maintain. You have to be committed to doing something every day in order to look well to the ways of your household. That may mean a back rub, a nice dinner or even just a listening and supportive ear. When you are looking well to the ways of your household, you are "standing guard." You are standing on the wall and being vigilant against anything that would seek to destroy your relationship--even if that person is you.

So I want to admonish you to be on the lookout for the "intruder." Be on the lookout for feelings of apathy toward your marriage. Be on the lookout for communication breakdowns. Be on the lookout for activities that snatch your time away from your spouse. It's time for us stand watch over our marriages--nurture and care for them as the precious jewels that they are. It's time for us to Get on the Wall and defend against the intruders because, guess what? Marriage Aint for Wimps!

Anniversary Reflections...

Today my husband and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. We met as young, ambitious individuals back in 1993. We were optimistic, in-love and CLUELESS. We knew that we loved each other, but over the past 18 years, we’ve realized that love is simply not enough. We’re ever-learning how to dwell with one another according to knowledge, how to honor and respect each other’s differences and how to love one another in the way we want to be loved.

In the wake of a mass exodus of marriage, we are more committed than ever to, not only make our marriage work, but enjoy each other in the process. LOL! I am grateful for how we’ve grown as individuals and as a couple and look forward to this next phase in our lives as we enter into another decade together.

It is with much passion and commitment that I embarked on the journey of the Marriage Ain’t for Wimps! Ministry. I’ve come to know and want to share with others that marriage is, indeed, a commitment of wills. It is a covenant that should not be taken lightly and it definitely AIN’T FOR WIMPS!

Here’s to many more years of marriage!

Blessings,
Tangie