Tuesday, August 17, 2010

If Loving You is Right, What am I Doing Wrong?

Sometimes you come to a place in your relationship when nothing seems to be gelling. If you say “up,” they say “down.” If you say “left,” they say “right.” There seems to be a breakdown in communication and you can’t figure out where it is. All you know is trying to discuss what you’re having for dinner turns into a conversation about how he dislikes your mother. Something’s got to give…Soon!

Does this sound familiar? If it does, don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. It’s an unfortunate and common occurrence in a relationship. When this breakdown occurs, you begin to wonder if the two of you are “compatible.” Well, the truth of the matter is, compatibility may have little to do with it. It may be more of an issue of dealing with problems that may have been swept under the rug or simply needing to practice some basic communication skills. Whatever the concern, it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. Let’s explore some tips to helping you and your Honey get along better and get back to that loving feeling.

1. Practice the Lost Art of Listening
Oftentimes when we feel really strongly about something, we stop listening to the other person and start focusing on what our counter-statement is going to be. There’s a reason why you have two ears and one mouth. A lot of people are not used to being heard, so if you give them the gift of a listening ear, both of you may come out winners.

2. Don’t be so Touchy
Too many times we allow our offense to get in the way of communicating effectively. For example, if you and your Honey are having a disagreement, the mature thing to do is to keep personal attacks out of the equation. Hurt people hurt people. If both of you are throwing verbal blows, nobody is being heard and, subsequently, the problem persists.

3. Walk a Mile in Their Shoes
The next time the two of you are in a “heated fellowship,” about “nothing and everything,” take a few seconds and mentally put yourself in their shoes. If she’s constantly nagging you about spending more time together, maybe you should consider how you’re allocating your time in the relationship. If he seems to always bring up how much money you spend on shoes, maybe he’s worried about your financial future.

The art of communicating in a marriage or any relationship is like learning a very difficult dance routine. Once you get the steps, however, the rest is gravy. You’ll begin to practice it unintentionally and it will, eventually, become a part of your natural flow in the relationship. Don’t confuse miscommunication with incompatibility. Learn to talk it out. When you do that successfully, you’ll be able to say, “Loving you is right and I ain’t doing nothing wrong!”

To Marriage With Love,

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Before You Do...

Check out my guest post on the Mocha Writer, Jamie Fleming's blog: Mocha Marriage. http://mochamarriage.blogspot.com/. I dedicate this posting to all you Wanna-Be's. LOL! Caution: Marriage Ain't for Wimps!