Monday, November 22, 2010

Marriage Ain't for Wimps Series: It Ain't Over 'til it's Over!

So you two have been together for a little while and it seems you just can’t get your groove. He says up, you say down. She says right, you say left. What happened to the “happily ever after” that the movies illustrate so beautifully? You might say, “If this is happy, no thank you! I can do bad all by myself!!” Sceerrrr….Hold up, wait a minute! Don’t file those divorce papers, yet! There’s more work to do.

There’s a very convenient phrase listed as a reason for divorce and it’s called “Irreconcilable Differences.” How quaint. How convenient. You can slip just about anything in that category: “She can’t cook.” “He snores.” “I can’t stand his mama!” As small as this may seem to some, these issues can be a huge source of debate and contention for others. And after a time of wrangling over them, people get tired and just want out. Not so fast, Tonto. There’s more work to do!

Communicate. Compromise. Care.

This is a point that can’t be emphasized enough. Communication is a skill that should be honed while you’re dating so that when you’re married, it won’t be a foreign concept. Communication is a two-way street. There’s the speaking element, but more importantly, is the listening element. Be mindful to communicate your concerns clearly, but be equally mindful to listen to the concerns of your spouse. Quite honestly, they may not be the best communicator, but knowing what they’re saying even when they’re not saying it, is a skill that is worth acquiring. Every disagreement doesn’t have to be a battle. Some things are best left unsaid…and some things are NOT. Know the difference.


Oftentimes we don’t compromise in a relationship because we see it as defeat. Change your thinking. What you want is a positive outcome. What does it matter who seemingly got what they want? The beauty is understanding that you both win because when one person is satisfied, the other person should be satisfied. A win for one is a win for the team.


Care enough about yourself, your mate and your marriage to do whatever it takes to make it work. Know that marriages don’t self-maintain no more than a car self-maintains. Sooner or later you have to put gas in the car and change the oil, at a minimum. So it is with your marriage. You have to do the little things everyday to keep your marriage flowing. There will be many ebbs and flows in the relationship, but that just creates opportunities to regroup and refocus…on each other.

I know there are instances where you feel that the union is irreparably broken. And that definition is different for everybody. What I may be able to manage in my marriage may be a deal-breaker for you. But what I hope to do is stop the genocide of our marriages just because we haven’t learned how to dwell with one another “according to knowledge.” Know that your marriage is worth every tear, disappointment, victory and triumph you will experience. It is the greatest representation of God’s love for His people. He loves marriage. He’s ordained it and sanctioned it. And He blesses it. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, but it will certainly be worth it. So, be encouraged. Don’t give up the fight. Understand that Marriage Ain’t for Wimps and it ain’t over ‘til it’s over!
To Marriage with Love,