The Gift of Influence

As women, we have been given the gift of influence.  Often, we are the catalyst for change in our relationships.  When we deicide to change our eating habits, select a new wall color or explore a new career, our husbands usually get on board.  However, we have to be mindful about how we use our influence.  As women, we have the ability to empower or emasculate our men.  If we're encouraging them, holding them accountable and loving them, our husbands will feel like they can fly.  Conversely, if we're constantly critical, unappreciative and belittling, they will not perform at their optimal level and will seek comforts elsewhere.   

I was thinking about something recently. The Bible says that, "He who finds a [true] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov 18:23 Amp). We tend to focus a lot on the man finding the wife, but are we really positioning ourselves to be "a good thing" for our husbands?  Are we living lives of honor and respect?  Are we using our influence to bring the favor of the Lord into his life?  If we are, then we really can be called a "good thing" because we use our gift of influence to positively affect our marriages.  Something to think about…

To Marriage With Love,
Tangie

Anniversary Reflections: 2012

Today, my husband and I celebrated our 17^th year anniversary.  It’s really very sobering to realize that we’ve been together for almost 2 decades!  I joke and say that we got married when we were toddlers.  LOL!  But seriously, we have had the opportunity share many seasons together:  Debt, Disappointments, Lay-Offs, Losses, etc.  But I’m grateful that we loved God and loved each other enough to hang in there and show the world that it is possible to maintain a successful marriage.  That’s not to say that we don’t have our challenges.  We’re still learning, growing and evolving.  But we’re committed and “in it to win it.”  And like true champions, we don’t give up just because we hit a few bumps in the road.  We hang in there, talk it out/work it out/pray it out and then we WIN!  Remember, marriage is a grown-up sport and it ain’t for wimps!

To Marriage With Love,

Tangie

Judge Not

"Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged."

Matt. 7:1-2 NLT

I think many of us can grasp the concept of not judging other individuals. We're careful to allow people certain grace when it comes to their choices or behavior. But what about extending that same courtesy to your spouse?

I can be honest and say that I'm not always so lenient in my judgments when it comes to my husband. Sometimes I don't cut him the slack that he deserves and that, I, myself may need.  Oftentimes, we hold our spouses to these ridiculous standards that we may struggle with upholding ourselves. What's that really about? Is it because their actions may actually mirror back to us the attitudes of our heart? Hmmmm...

The next time you find yourself in a critical role as it relates to your spouse, first, remember that they are someone with frailties and weaknesses just like you are. And, more importantly, that they deserve the same amount of grace, if not more, that you may extend to others.

To Marriage With Love,

Tangie

Marriage Tip: Open Your Mouth!

Communication is the oxygen of your marriage.  If you want or need something from your spouse, open your mouth and use your words.  The life of your marriage depends on it!

To Marriage With Love,
Tangie

Marriage Tip: Learn to Discern

There will be many instances in your relationship where you have something important that you need to share with your spouse.  And because of its perceived importance, you may blurt out the information without carefully assessing their mood, mental state or disposition.  If you want the information that you're sharing to take precedence and spur action, you've got to learn to discern the right timing to share that information.  Bombarding your spouse with details about the kitchen sink overflowing when he first walks into the door after a long day at work is probably not a good idea.  And asking your wife where the ketchup is when she's having some "she time" will probably not be received well.  My point is that if we want to increase the effectiveness of our communication with our spouse, we have to convey our messages when they will be best received.  I'm not giving you a license to withhold vital information.  I'm just admonishing you to use wisdom when sharing that information.  Our goal is to increase the value of our communication, thus increasing our intimacy. After all, marriage is a skilled sport and it definitely ain't for wimps!

To Marriage With Love,

Tangie

Marriage Tip: Grow Up

Navigating interpersonal relationships can be challenging, especially marital ones.  Close relationships breed the potential for hurt and offense.  Marriages are no different. The key to understand is that, as you grow together, you should mature and not be so easily offended by your mate.  If they had a bad day and said something flippantly, or didn't respond favorably to your request or forgot your anniversary, learn to get over it.  Address it, if necessary, and simply move on.  Offenses may come in relationships, but “babies” bicker.  Grown folks discern the seasons, deal with it and keep it moving.  It's time for us to stop getting tripped up over the little things in our marriages.  It's time to GROW UP. Marriage Ain't for Wimps!

To Marriage With Love,

Tangie

More than Just a Day

This week many will celebrate Valentine’s Day, a holiday that has been set aside to show love and appreciation of another. I think that is all fine and good, but I have several concerns. However, I am only going to address them to the married folks. First of all, if we're waiting for this one day to express our "love" for our spouse, then, "Houston, we have a problem." Love, in its purest definition is based in selflessness and service. Many people, married folks included, get caught up in the hype. They consider it another day to "get" something.  Much like Christmas, they are focused on the gifts and not the intent. So if you and your honey have been bickering, disconnected, lacking communication and intimacy, what good is dinner and chocolate? This is my challenge to you: As you celebrate love this week, take some time to examine what that really means for the two of you. If there's been a disconnect somewhere, focus on repairing the breach. If there is more that you desire out of the relationship, discuss it. Make a concerted effort, also, to be attentive to their needs, desires and concerns. It is in this way that you're building a foundation of real love and you'll realize that it is about more than just a day. After all, Marriage Ain't for Wimps!

To Marriage with Love,

Tangie

Make Time for Love

I don’t think there are many people that would disagree with the fact that having a successful marriage takes a lot of work.  There are tons of distractions, both internally and externally that compete for our time, energy and affection.  And if we’re not careful, the dedication that belongs to our spouse will be given to our career, our friends or even our children.  So I want to encourage you to make time for love.  Put your spouse on your To-Do List.  Make them a priority just like that meeting at work or the oil change for your car.  Give them the same attention that you give your sick child or your ailing parent.  I use these examples because, many times, we take our mates for granted, assuming that their needs will somehow miraculously be taken care of while we run off and give our attention to other things and other people.  NOT!  Your marriage is an organic entity that needs nurturing.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Marriages don’t self-maintain.  It takes consistent effort for them to be good and stay good.  Now, you can take that to the bank, cash it and tell ‘em I sent you! ☺

So now that we’re clear about the priority our marriages should take, let’s set some  marriages goals for 2012.  Despite the media hype, it is possible to love and enjoy your spouse and have a fulfilling marriage.  Below, I’d like to share with you my faith confession over my marriage for this month and this year:

“Father, I thank You that my marriage is thriving and my husband has no need of spoil and our marriage bed is undefiled. I thank You that my husband's heart does safely trust in me because I honor and submit to him in EVERYTHING and in EVERY AREA...no hidden agendas or impure motives. I thank You, Father, that our level of intimacy exceeds far past the bedroom and we are willing partners in this relationship…for life.”*

I’d love to hear about your marriage goals for the year. Send me an email to Marriage@MarriageAintforWimps.com.  Also, follow me on Twitter: @MightyMarriage.

To Marriage With Love,

Tangie

*Scripture References: Heb. 13:4 (Amp); Eph. 5:22 (Amp)