Thursday, November 3, 2011

What Did You Say?

I think we can all agree that communicating in marriage can sometimes seem like the two of you are speaking in foreign tongues.  You’re saying one thing, they’re saying another and you’re both trying to figure out how to get your point across.  You may even hear a statement like, “You just don’t listen to me.”  Or you may even be thinking, “He didn’t hear a word I just said.”  Well, that may be partially true, but I’d like to offer a technique to help smooth the communication waters.  I encourage you the hear what they’re not saying. Huh?  Hear me out…
Sometimes when we’re attempting to get our point across, we have so much emotion behind it that, instead of effectively saying what needs to be said, we ramble on a bunch of emotion-filled words.  Well, emotion incites emotion, so then our spouse begins to respond to our rant and you end up in a fruitless discussion and neither of your needs are being met.  So you have to develop the art of hearing what they’re not saying.  Learn to listen for “clues” to what they’re really trying to say. For example: Your spouse may say, “I thought you were going to be home when I got off from work and now I have to warm up my food in the microwave.”  What they really might be saying is, “I missed seeing you when I got home and was looking forward to us having dinner together.”  I know…you’re thinking, “I’m not a mind-reader!”  And I’m not asking you to be.  But I am suggesting that we have to dwell with our spouses “according to knowledge” (1 Pet. 3:7).  Dwelling with them “according to knowledge” means that we should “study” our spouses and learn their habits, their moods and their innuendos.   When we do that, we’ll be able to discern when their saying one thing, but mean another.  And once we get that, we can respond with love and with the answer that they really want or need to hear.  So in the above example you can respond, “I’m sorry, sweetie, that I wasn’t here for dinner when you got home.  I enjoy our dinner time together, too.”  Ha!  Lay that on them and see what happens!
Is this technique easy?  Nope!  Is it worth it?  You betcha!  Communication is the oxygen to our relationships. Every skill that we can employ to perfect the art of communication should be high on our priority list.  Because if we don’t, our relationships will be devoid of life and then we’ll start thinking about the “D” word and we are NOT having that!  Marriage Ain’t for Wimps!
Happy Communicating!  I’d love to hear your thoughts.
To Marriage With Love,


  1. Tangie, I agree that communication is "KEY" in maintaining a marriage. I recently had this discussion with my husband, and what we discovered were the subtle ways that we took each other for granted. Without nagging or sounding preachy, I was able to speak his language -clearly, concisely & straight to the point so he could digest everything & walk away feeling like we met in the middle to accomplish a common goal! Marriage can be a recipe of success!! It simply depends on the ingredients you use! I use Christ as my main ingredient because without it, the taste isn't the same. Love & treat one another as Christ does us....He loves us unconditionally! I pray that as we have our talks, my husband knows that he's loved and that our love story will be something that our future generations can speak of! God bless you & your husband Tangie! You are such a blessing!!

  2. Shavay, you shared so many great things, but one thing you said that I love is that you pray that you and your husband's "love story" will be something that future generations can speak of. I think that is so profound because it is so rare to see quality marriage examples. And, oh, yeah, having Christ as the main ingredient definitely makes the union sweeter. Thank you for sharing. Blessings to and your hubby! xoxo